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Understanding One’s Self

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Many people are unhappy with their lives and are also unhappy with who they have turned out to be. 

Just as the saying goes, “The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.”  Whenever we see a successful and happy person, we wish to be more like that person and not the way we are now.  But let’s be realistic here. 

You are who you are, and deep down, you know that there is no changing that.  Still, if there are things that you don’t like about yourself, you can always choose to change for the better.  You are the master of your faith, and no one can really tell you what to do without your consent.

 What Made You That Way?

Well, your flaws are either a result of your bad choices, your history or may even be hereditary.  So you see, it’s not all your fault.  As Sigmund Freud always starts off a session with his patients, he says, “Tell me about your childhood.”  We are shaped by the very first foundations of our learning.  Your experiences in your early years are carried on as you grow up. Going back and seeing your past as a way to analyze your personality today will help you understand yourself more. This way, you can identify the root of the difficulties you are experiencing now and begin the needed changes in your life.

 Let’s Go Back Home

Close your eyes and imagine the home you lived in when you were a child. Was it comfortable, or was it messy and cramped?  How does it make you feel looking back to your old home? If memories of your childhood home brings about a warm, happy feeling within you, it means that you have lived a comfortable and happy childhood. 

This relates to the happy disposition or positive outlook you have today.  But if memories of your home make you wish you were still a child and never have grown up, you must have been pampered and spoiled.  You have also been overprotected, and these result in laziness and the discontent for your life today.  Lastly, if your childhood brings back sad and painful feelings, then this shows that you have lived a traumatic childhood. 

Someone you looked up to early in your life may have mistreated you or have caused you pain.  People who have been hurt and bullied in their childhood can turn out to be one of two things:  a coward who runs away from any difficulty or a person that can turn out to be a bully too.  The outcome of our childhood is inevitable. But since you are now aware of why you are that way, you can say that it isn’t all your fault.

 Memories of Your Family

Let’s go back to the memories of your home. This time try to remember the members of your family. Try to see the face of your mother, your father, and the other people whom you’ve grown up with.

Which of them made you smile as you saw them?  Which of them made you angry, sad, or frightened? 

The people who have made you smile are those who have made you feel safe, happy, and loved.  Memories of being with these people will always be your safe place. And when you are feeling lonely, you can always close your eyes and go back to these moments for comfort. 

On the other hand, the people who made you feel frightened may have been the ones who punished you whenever you did something wrong; they can be people who mistreated you or hurt you physically in the past. For you to remember the anger, you felt for that person means you have not forgiven. 

You have to let go and forgive that person, or else you may not be aware of it, but you may end up being just like that person.  In the process, you end up hurting and scarring someone else.  Lastly, if that someone you see gives you a feeling of sadness or pain, it means that it is someone who may have hurt you deeply.  

Again, learn to let go and forgive that person because the pain you feel is a sign that you love that person.  Only the people who really matter in our life, those we truly love, are the ones who can hurt us the most.

As you open your eyes and realize that these memories are in the past, look into a mirror and begin to see yourself much more clearly.  The past is what made you who you are now.  But today is here, and what you do now will mold the future. You can be whatever you want to be if you choose it.

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